


Miscalculation

by kimie123



Category: Free!
Genre: Christmas Party, Dildos, Lets play "how nsfw can this get without outright writing any porn", M/M, Merry Christmas Ale, Rated M for dicks, Secret Santa, are Rin and Sousuke even there im not sure, thanks Jojo ur the best, this sucks but ??? it was so fun to write, youll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 17:06:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5464331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimie123/pseuds/kimie123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Since Makoto and Haru got together, the latter had slowly started to discover the joys of a couple’s holiday. Needless to say, Christmas - and every other festive occasion - had been truly enjoyable times.</p><p>Right now, walking through the busy Tokyo streets at 8:48 p.m., he was preparing to make this Christmas even more enjoyable."</p><p>Secret Santa fic written for AleishaDreams, I hope you enjoy this!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Buying

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AleishaDreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AleishaDreams/gifts).



> I've never finished any fic i wrote, let alone post one, so I hope this is ok!  
> Writing for a writer... haha... its embarrassing....  
> I want to thank Jojo for helping me SO MUCH with this, its really more our fic than mine alone and I wouldn't have done it without her.  
> Separated in chapters because it looks nicer.
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy this!

It isn’t even December yet.

 Christmas decorations are already up and illuminating every store to be seen, erratic flashes almost blinding passers by with neon reds and greens and whites of all assortments. There are evident signs of previous snowfall blanketing the streets, glistening white flakes balancing delicately atop streetlights and tree branches. Crisp glass sheets of ice rest cautiously upon car windbreakers and park-o-meters, while the harsh sound of people’s footsteps crunching through the newly fallen snow can be heard from all directions.

 It seemed as though Christmas had come early for most people.

The same goes for 20-year-old Nanase Haruka; although he is a not-so-recent-convert to the outburst of celebration. Since Haru and Makoto got together, the boy had slowly started to discover the joys of a couple’s holiday. Needless to say, Christmas - and every other festive occasion - had been truly enjoyable times.

 Right now, walking through the busy Tokyo streets at 8:48 p.m., he was preparing to make this Christmas even _more enjoyable_. Earlier today, he overheard his teammates talking about possible gifts for your significant other, and an idea had sprouted in his mind - something Makoto was _bound_ to enjoy.

 He rounded a not-so-crowded corner and stopped in front of the store he was looking for, which vividly displayed the same sign that caught his attention on the internet:

 ' ** _CHRISTMAS DILDOS , ‘CUM’ NOW AND GET UP TO 75% DISCOUNT ON ALL OF OUR PLEASURE INDUCERS. HO HO WHO’S GETTING LAID TONIGHT?’_**

 Which was placed skillfully next to a cartoon of a particularly muscly man, clad in a tight Santa suit, displaying a bright striped green and red dildo in his left hand.

 Haru covered his face with his scarf and huffed irritatingly into the warm fabric. He really hoped nobody he knew was around. It’s not like he was unfamiliar with sex shops, but the embarrassment never really faded from his conscience - it wasn't something he could get used to, anyway.

 But, since it's another ‘special occasion’, and his previous experiences with this particular type of gift-buying for Makoto had _definitely_ been a success, Haru had decided to brush aside any feelings of awkwardness and go with what he’d planned. Naturally.

 Taking another glance up at the rather vulgar sign, Haru swallowed his remaining hesitancy and pushed open the glass door with his gloved hand, swiftly searching behind him to ensure he wasn't being watched.

 In front of him were some stairs, presumably leading to the main part of the store. After all, it would be ridiculous to think that the store could advertise their products in the windows. _(Imagine the complaints from parents…)_

 Haru took off his scarf and inhaled. It smelled… peculiar; like an odd mixture of leather, sweat and bleach. His nose crinkled as he tried to find some form of familiarity towards what it reminded him of.

 As he contemplated, Haru looked up to find a rather tall, blond-haired young man practically skipping down the stairs dressed in questionably minimal clothing, proudly displaying a name tag that read ‘Aiko’. Haru raised a skeptical brow, wondering if this man was actually old enough to work at such a place.

 “Well, hi there! And what can I help you with today, Mr…?”

 “Um… Nanase,” Haru spoke, giving ‘Aiko’ a precarious once-over.

 “Ah, Mr. Nanase! What can I do for you this evening?”

 “Well- I was looking online, and-”

 “Ah, our online store! Did you see anything that you liked?” Aiko gave a sly wink in Haru’s direction, to which he only returned a deadpan look.

 “Well, there’s one thing in particula-”

 “Fantastic! You can show me upstairs.” Aiko interrupted once more, reaching for Haru’s arm but failing to grasp it as the dark haired man moved past him and up the staircase. “Oh- well, okay, lead the way!” Aiko followed enthusiastically.

 Upon reaching the last step, Haru found himself directly in front of hundreds of shelves lined proudly with various different sex toys, assorted by shape and size. Even though there was definitely over a thousand sex toys in the shop, each different to the one next to it, the first thing he had the misfortune to lay his eyes on was one particular buttplug; but it wasn't just any buttplug.

 It was a _Baby Jesus_ shaped buttplug.

 A fully formed, life-like replica of Baby Jesus Christ sleeping soundly in his blanket, but in buttplug form.

  _'I'm going to Hell just from seeing that,’_ Haru thought, quickly averting his eyes. But it seemed like the display he was in front of dedicated itself to the store’s… _stranger_ wave of customers, because the next item he saw wasn't much better.

 Vladimir Putin’s face. _On the tip of a pink dildo._

 While Haru pondered the existence of such obscure objects, Aiko suddenly appeared beside him and followed his line of eyesight.

 “Ah, I see, are you into that kinda fun?” he nudged Haru lightly in the side, doing some more winking in the process. Haru wrinkled his nose in disgust.

 “Erm- what, no, I was just-”

 “So, what was it you saw online?” Aiko asked, looking around the store for some sort of inspiration. “Or have you changed your mind?”

 “ _Christmas dicks_.” Haru stated bluntly, desperate to finish his sentence this time. Aiko blinked, somewhat amused by Haru’s blank expression and his sudden directness.

 “... Um, right! We have lots of those in stock, with it, y’know, being Christmas and all. Come right this way!” Aiko grinned, walking around the first shelf and urging Haru to follow his path.

 “Here they are,” Aiko announces, waving his hand around one of the shelves. This shelf looked more promising- well, as promising as Christmas vibrators could get - but that was an improvement on Haru’s previous encounter, at least. “Take your time! If you need anything just give me a shout.”

 With that, Aiko disappeared amidst the array of shelves, leaving Haru to browse the selection of ‘ _Festive Phalluses & co._’, as creatively labeled.

 He scanned the items, looking for what had caught his attention on the shop’s webpage, finding it fairly quickly, since it wasn't exactly what you would call ‘discreet’. It was literally a vibrating candy-cane you shoved up your ass - complete with red and white stripes and an evident glossy-finish. Good enough to eat… almost.

 Now, the thing was pretty big. Would it fit? Everything is possible with perseverance, but Haru didn't want to waste money in something that wouldn't fulfill its objective successfully. So, he grabbed the toy that was on display and put it next to his closed fist and forearm, comparing the sizes.

  _'Yeah,’_ he nodded.  _‘This’ll fit.’_

 Pleased with his little test, he located and reached for the box containing ‘Santa’s Little Helper G-spot vibe’ just as Aiko was rounding the corner and walking towards him.

 “Ooh, great choice!” Aiko clapped his hands, grinning somewhat psychotically. “This one is _perfect_ for lonely nights!” He grabbed the box Haru’s hand hovered over.

  _‘You can't go to prison for murder yet. Do it for Makoto.’_ Haru thought, swallowing his embarrassment and nodding. “Yeah, that's all. I’ll pay in cash,” he quickly added, as so not to be interrupted and get the whole thing over with already.

 “Alrighty! Just follow me, darling!” the clerk giggled and walked towards the register, Haru rolling his eyes in response to the nickname.

 “That’ll be… ¥7800, please!” Aiko said after excitedly tapping some buttons on the machine. Haru sighed and removed the money from his wallet, checking it twice before handing it over. Aiko then tapped some more buttons before suddenly exclaiming, “Oh, wait, would you like it gift-wrapped? I can do bows, gift tags, anything you li-”

 “Can I please just take it and go home,” Haru glares, saying it as a statement rather than a question. Actually, he’d prefer having it wrapped and ready, not having to go through the trouble of wrapping it up himself, but he didn’t want to spend one more second than necessary in this place. More specifically, anywhere close to Aiko.

 “Um, yes, that’s fine.” Aiko’s expression faded, resuming to putting the money in the register, albeit slowly. He unhooked a plastic bag from underneath the counter and put the items inside. “Here’s your change and your receipt... Thank you for shopping at Dicks & Tricks, have a very Merry Christm-”

 “ _You too_ ,” Haru almost yelled, forcefully snatching the bag (thankfully free from any indecent images like that sign in the window) and his change and made his way outside with it, leaving Aiko to ponder his career choices.

  _‘Thank God that's over.’_ Haru frowns as he steps downstairs, exhaling through the temperature change in the air. He felt almost guilty for being harsh on the assistant but really, the only other person he tolerated having that attitude with him was Nagisa. He pushed the door open but before he could step a foot outside the building, a distressed wail rose from behind where he stood, increasing in volume.

 “Hey, wait! Mr. Nanase, you forgot your rece-” Aiko tripped down one of the steps and fell straight into Haru, causing him to lose his balance and fall face-first onto the concrete outside, the bag flying across the floor and spilling out its contents; the less-than-subtle striped dildo in its see-through carton landing straight in front of a large group of OAP carolers.

 Haru really wished he had gone for the gift-wrap.

 


	2. Some Fluff + The Wrapping

Haru only stopped running when his apartment came in view, taking a moment to regain his breath as to not look suspicious if Makoto saw him. His hands rested on his knees with with the troublesome and precious bag hanging from his wrist, puffs of white vapour exiting chapped lips.

 _‘I'm never stepping foot in that neighbourhood again,’_ the boy thought as he straightened himself and climbed the stairs to his door, each footstep making the metal structure vibrate under his feet.

Thank God he had a scarf on; the embarrassment would've been too much if they had seen his face. Haru didn’t particularly enjoy the idea of being known as ‘the ‘Candy-Cane Dildo guy’, as appealing as it might sound.

Shuddering from the cold, he pulled out his keys and slowly turned them in the lock, attempting to make as little noise noise as possible. Makoto was most likely either sleeping or studying since he knew Haru would be home late today, and disturbing him was the last thing he wanted.

He crossed the threshold to their shared apartment and shut the door behind him, leaving the shopping bag as quietly as he could on the wooden floor.

The place was dark, and Haru was alone in where he stood, meaning Makoto was sleeping in the other room.

 _‘Good,’_ Haru sighed with relief, _‘He shouldn’t overwork himself.’_

After removing his boots, he shuffled into the kitchen, praying for the floor not to creak under his weight. He picked up the bag, cursing the noisiness of it, and reached towards a low cabinet; home to his secret collection of canned mackerel he had hidden away (albeit guiltily) from Makoto. Haru squinted in the darkness, blindly shoving cans out of the way to make space for the gift and depositing it when he deemed the spot big enough. He then put the cans back, hopefully hiding it from sight if the cabinet were to be opened.

 _‘I can wrap it later on. Christmas is another month away, after all.’_ Haru got up from crouching position, balancing himself on the counter.

 

Tiptoeing to the bedroom, Haru peeked through the gap between the door before slowly stepping inside and starting to get ready for bed, discarding the worn clothes onto the floor. His sleeping attire consisted of a pair of old underwear and one of Makoto’s shirts, which swallowed his form almost entirely - but not uncomfortably. Too tired to even bother brushing his teeth (something which Makoto would surely chastise him for in the morning), Haru slid under the covers and shyly snuggled up to the sleeping boy’s welcoming warmth, Makoto’s arm unconsciously wrapping around the smaller man’s figure in a close embrace.

 

“I’m home,” Haru whispered into the silence, smiling to himself.

 

Sleep came soon after that.

 

* * *

 

The days up to Christmas seemed to get even shorter when Nagisa phoned to remind the couple about the details of the Iwatobi reunion. The get-together had been organised for quite some time, but since the pair had been so involved in their own affairs the event was long-forgotten.

“You guys absolutely have to come!” Nagisa insisted with evident excitement, practically yelling, “it must’ve been, like, months since we last saw each other!”

“We’ll think about it.” Haru sighed in his seat, glancing over at Makoto - who seemed to be preoccupied with making lunch. It wasn’t the reunion he dreaded; but rather the thought of spending Christmas Eve surrounded by people instead of carrying out his plans.

“Aw…Well, okay then! But make sure you think about it, alright?” Nagisa’s tone of voice dropped slightly, which Haru guessed was supposed to make him feel intimidated.

“We will. See you.” Haru put down the phone and huffed, his gaze returning to the boy in the kitchen.

“Who was that?” Makoto turned from his place in front of the cooker. The steam from the pan he was using made the front of his hair stand up a bit, which Haru thought looked cute.

“Nagisa again, on about the party,” Haru said, reaching to scratch an invisible mark on the tabletop. “He seems insistent we should go.”

“It’d be nice to see everyone again, it seems like forever since we had a meet-up.” Makoto smiled softly, deep in thought. He does have a point. Maybe he could execute his plans on a different night. Besides, it’s not like they had anything down for Christmas Day…

“What do you think, Haru? ...Haru?”

“Oh, um, yeah. Sounds good.” He spoke up, feeling a slight flush to his cheeks rising at the thought of his intentions. He quickly put the images to the back of his mind.

“Then it’s settled! The Iwatobi boys will reunite!” Makoto grinned with his usual gleeful smile, returning back to his position to finish lunch. “Hey, would you bring me the plates so I can serve this? It’s about ready.”

“Sure,” Haru stood up, walking over to Makoto’s side.

“Hmmm… I wonder if it's good...” Makoto murmured, taking a spoonful of sauce and trying it. He nodded once in approval and then raised another sample up to Haru’s lips, his hand cupping under it if it were to spill. “Open up!”

Haru blew on the liquid to cool it and sipped as Makoto tipped the spoon, relishing in the warm spices that make the back of his tongue tingle.

“Good?” Makoto hummed, watching the boy for any sign of displeasure. Haru responded with a swift lick of his lips and a nod.

“It’s good. You’re getting better at this.” Haru smiled.

“Heh, thanks, Haru!” Makoto’s face lit up at the positive reaction as he began serving the food into two portions. “It’s thanks to having the best teacher in all of Japan, of course.”

The shorter man huffed and looked away, “It’s nothing, really...”

“You always say the same thing.” Makoto chuckled.

After he was done serving up the food, they took the steaming plates back to the kitchen table and sat down, ready to enjoy the meal. Makoto had created a twist on his usual dish of pasta, using various vegetables and a developed sauce to go with it. He’d been researching different ways of preparing meals ever since he found out about Haru’s (old) secret stash of canned mackerel, and had been determined to wean him off the stuff. Haru didn’t seem to complain, anyway, which was more than enough to persuade Makoto to start cooking for themselves. After ritually saying their thanks, the couple tucked in. Haru twirled some spaghetti on his fork, bringing the food up to his mouth and tasting it. He chewed, swallowed, and crossed his fingers under his chin, all under Makoto’s scrutinizing eye.

“You did well, Makoto.” He said, after a short yet overly dramatic pause.

“Really?!” The boy’s emerald eyes shone after hearing the simple praise, beginning to eat for himself.

“You say it like it's a big deal… Of course it's going to be good.” He twirled more pasta on his fork, struggling to keep it there. “So, are you doing anything today?”

Makoto’s smile fell and he pouted slightly, “I have a study session with some classmates later this afternoon… Sorry, Haru.”

The boy took another bite of the food to hide his disappointment. “It’s alright, we can always go out another day.”

‘At least I can use this chance to wrap up his gift...’ Haru convinced himself.

Seeing his boyfriend in a downturned mood even after reassuring him, Haru tried again, “It’s really okay, you’re working hard, I’m proud.” - accompanied by The Smile he knew turned Makoto into a puddle of happiness.

And indeed, Makoto took a sharp breath and felt that if he continued staring at the perfect human being that was Nanase Haruka he would start crying on the spot. So he looked down to his food, disappointment forgotten and replaced by bashfulness.

The rest of lunch passed in a comfortable silence, occasional comments arising from both ends of the table. Stomachs satisfied, they washed and dried the dishes side-by-side, occasionally sneaking in kisses on the cheek (including a sneaky squeeze of Makoto’s ass at one point which made him yelp and almost drop the cup he was holding), feeling as if the whole world could disappear and they wouldn't notice. After the dishes were done, Makoto prepared to leave, Haru helping to gather his belongings.

“Alright, I’m off! I think I'll be back for supper, but if it's too late just eat without me. You have to wake up early tomorrow, Haru.” Makoto said after drying his hands and heading to the door, taking his bag from Haru’s helping hand.

“Yeah. Good luck.” Haru followed him to the front door and after he put his shoes and coat on, he stared up at Makoto, waiting. In turn, the taller boy ducked a little to be at the Haru’s height and pushed his lips against the other’s, kissing him goodbye. Haru moved his hands up to cup Makoto’s flushing face, the soft warmth of his palms causing goosebumps to rise.

Satisfied, Haru smiled back. “Study hard.”

 _‘Aaah, I’ll never get used to this, Haru’s too cute! I feel like running a marathon!’_ Makoto thought, chest fuzzy with adoration.

“Of course! See you later!” He grinned. With those final words, Makoto left the warm apartment and stepped into the harsh December air, locking the door behind him.

Haru stared at the closed door for a minute, in a slight love-struck daze, wondering what he ever did to deserve such a wonderful boyfriend, before regaining his senses. _‘Get a grip, Nanase, you’ve been dating for years. It’s time to give it up.’_

He padded back into the kitchen, where the smell of lemon-scented dishwashing detergent was still present, and he crouched in front of his secret mackerel reservoir. Moving the cans aside, he removed the bag from the low cabinet and got up to put it on the kitchen table, kicking the door closed. He then walked to the bedroom, grabbing the roll of christmas wrapper, a pair of scissors and some scotch tape, returning to the kitchen with the items in hand. He then proceeded to unroll the paper, laying the boxed gift on top of it and cutting the side closer to the roll with a swift swish of the scissors. Folding the edges and sealing it together with tape, he turned the now wrapped present around, leaving the mess of tape and folded paper out of sight.

The wrapping ended up kind of messy; Haru wasn’t used to wrapping presents, he usually asked the clerk at the store to do so but in his haste to leave the place he didn’t. Anyways, the goal of the paper was to hide the gift, and it was doing its job, so Haru went back and put it in the mackerel cabinet, rearranging the cans to hide it again.

He took the things on the kitchen table, rerolling the wrapping paper and folding the tape’s edge onto itself and brought them back to their rightful spots, as if untouched.

Makoto was going to love his Christmas present.

 


	3. Miscalculation

“Hurry, Haru, we’re gonna be late!”

“We still have half an hour until it even starts, Makoto. It’s fine.”

“It’s better to be there early, what if Nagisa needs help with something? Like decorating! He’s kinda short... maybe he can’t reach higher spaces!”

Haru grunted, getting up from his comfortable spot on the sofa, knowing better than to argue Makoto’s motherly instincts.

It was December 23rd. Makoto had his final exam two days prior and was now free of scholar responsibilities until the break ended. He spent the past few days sleeping, catching up on late night study sessions and recovering all of those hours he spent up revising for exams. Haru had decided to reward him for his efforts, then cooking him a late breakfast in bed when he had the energy to do so.

Haru grabbed his coat, but before he could put it on, he was stopped by Makoto’s voice.

“Aren’t you taking the gift?”

He froze.

 _‘Oh my God, my mackerel stash. Did he see it? How does he even know there's a gift? Why didn't he tell me before? Where am i going to hide my mackerel now?’_ A hundred thoughts flew by his head, but he could only spit out one word.

"Gift?”

“Yeah, the gift! Don't tell me you forgot, Haru!” Makoto looked at him, prepared to put on his Disappointment Face.

“No, I-- Uh, yeah. The gift. Just. Wait here.”

He got to the kitchen and out of Makoto’s sight as calmly as he could, proceeding to practically throw himself onto his secret cabinet and quickly retrieving the gift, closing the door again with as little sound possible.

He walked back to Makoto, the smiling Santas on the wrapping paper seemingly mocking him.

“Here’s the gift.”

“Oh, it doesn't have a name tag! How will Sousuke know it's his if his name isn’t on it?” The tallest of the two walked back into the house and grabbed a blank, rectangular shaped sticker from the room, noting ‘Yamazaki Sousuke’ on it in neat cursive and sticking it to the top of the present.

_‘Yamazaki? What is he talking about? I’m not giving Yamazaki a candy-cane shaped vibrator!’_

“Here you go!” Makoto hands him the gift, smiling proudly. “Put on your coat, come on!”

Mechanically, Haru slid his arms into his winter coat, zipping it up, and shoved his socked feet into the boots, still wondering what the hell Makoto was talking about.

After a short 20 minute train ride, the couple arrived to Nagisa’s apartment, a modern-looking 10 storey building with a marble facade and tinted glass doors. Makoto pressed the doorbell to apartment 6-B, and waited for the blonde’s high pitched voice to blast through the intercom.

“Hazuki residence.” A deeper voice than expected was heard.

“Oh, Rei! You’re already here!” Makoto answered, glancing at Haru.

“Makoto-senpai! I just got here, I assume Haruka-senpai is wi- ...Nagisa-kun, what are you doing?! Let- Agh!” Quarreling could be heard of the other side of the speaker, Rei’s characteristical cries of Nagisa’s name echoing on the walls of the apartment complex’s entrance.

“Sounds like Nagisa is as lively as ever....” Haru muttered.

“Haru-chan, Mako-chan! You guys came! They came, Rei-chan!”

“Haha, yeah, we’re here!”

“Mind unlocking the door?” Haru added bitterly, unimpressed by the temperature of the air, “We’re kind of freezing our asses off.”

Another excited squeal was heard, followed by the buzzing of the intercom, signaling the heavy glass door was being unlocked. Makoto grabbed the stainless steel handle and pulled, grunting from the effort, and Haru wished it was summer so he could see his boyfriend’s beautiful muscles move under thinner fabric.

They stepped into the complex and walked over to the elevators, quickly taking off their coats and removing their scarves. A smooth ride upwards left them at their destination. They exited on the 6th floor and made way to apartment ‘B’, pressing the doorbell there.

The door was flung open and before any of the two could register what was happening, they were drawn into a bone-crushing hug by a small blond ball of energy.

“Nagisa-kun, at least let them come in!”

Nagisa looks up to the two of them, releasing them from the embrace, “I’m so happy to see you guys! Come on, there’s food, and decorations, and love, and happiness!” He walks back into the warm apartment, the two older boys following close behind.

They all sat down at the dinner table to catch up on each other’s lives, the atmosphere calm and joyful, waiting for the rest of the guests to arrive while munching on various snacks. The others didn’t take long, and soon, everyone was present and chatting amicably.

“Let’s give each other the Secret Santa presents!” Nagisa piped up after a while.

Haru’s eyes widened like bowls as he was hit with the sudden realisation.

_'...Shit, the Secret Santa!’_

_‘Why Yamazaki?! How could I forget?!’_

_‘ How does an entire event slip my mind just like that?! That’s what Makoto was talking about!’_

_‘...THERE'S A DILDO IN THE PRESENT OH MY GOD.’_

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei looked at him, exasperated, “It's not midnight yet, we have to wait!”

“But Rei-chaaaan! An hour more an hour less, it's the same! What matters is the feeling put into it!”

“Absolutely not. I will follow tradition, and we have to wait until midnight!”

Nagisa pouted, stuffing his face with more sweet peanuts, resigning to his fate.

Haru thanked the heavens for Ryugazaki Rei’s obsession with perfectionism. Now he had more time to think about what he could do to fix the god-awful mess he had gotten himself into.

He got up from the table, using the excuse of going to the bathroom, and ducked into the living room where the presents were under the tree, foil-like paper reflecting the Christmas lights. Haru observed them. They all looked pretty similar, if not for the difference in sizes….

_‘That's it! I know what to do!’_

He located his present and searched for Makoto’s name in the others. When he found it, he carefully peeled the white, rectangular name tag from his and the present’s, switching the names.

Perfect! Now, his gift would be delivered to Makoto, as originally intended. Foolproof plan. Makoto would probably be embarrassed when he opens it, but everyone knows they're dating already so it shouldn't be too bad.

He placed the gifts under the tree again, and walked back to the table as naturally as possible.

Now he just had to wait for midnight.

 

* * *

 

“Guys, guys, guys!” Nagisa interrupted everyone’s conversations with a loud voice, making Rei jump in his seat, “It’s midnight! Let’s open the presents! Come ooon!” He got up and rushed towards the colorful Christmas tree, ready to tear open the one designated to him.

“Oh, you’re right!” Makoto’s demeanor changed, resembling one similar to that of an excited puppy. “Let’s go open the presents, Haru!”

“Sure,” he nods, slightly less enthusiastically standing from his seat and following the rest over to the tree. Admittedly, he was somewhat excited to see Makoto’s reaction to the gift.

“Ah! I found mine! Ooh, I wonder what it could be…” Nagisa exclaims, shaking the medium-sized box and listening to its contents.

“Careful Nagisa, it could be a breakable!” Rei shakes his head, glancing over his shoulder at the boy as he finds his own present. “Ah, here is my gift. And here are yours too, Makoto-senpai, Haruka-senpai!” Rei hands the presents over to the two, standing up and dusting himself off. “Are we all ready to open them?”

Haru anxiously eyed Makoto’s package, wondering if he noticed that the wrapping paper was impeccably similar to the kind that he stuck the label onto this morning. Regardless, Makoto and Nagisa both grinned and nodded in unison, signalling that they were ready.

“Okay, Nagisa, you first, seeing as though you’re the host.” With an excited yell, the blonde began ravishing at the present’s wrapping, mercilessly tearing it apart. He opened up the box to find a semi-realistic plush penguin staring up at him with shiny glass eyes, a small note attached around its neck. Nagisa was delighted, of course; which was evident through emitted incoherent giggling and squealing.

“Ahh!! A penguin! Look, Rei-chan! Isn’t he adorable?!” The boy exclaimed, gently removing the stuffed toy from its cardboard prison. Smiling ridiculously, he lifted up the pink tag that hung from its neck and read aloud: “Dear Nagisa, Merry Christmas ya lil’ nerd! Hope you’re not too old for these things, heh. Enjoy! Love, Rin,” closed with a doodle of a smiley face with sharp teeth. “Ah, Rin-chan, thank you!!” Nagisa shouted upwards into the air, squeezing the plush tightly. Makoto and Haru both looked at each other simultaneously, smiling softly like proud parents.

“Wonderful,” Rei clapped, watching the blonde jump with joy. “Now, I suppose it’s my turn? And who would this be from?” He asked, quizzically inspecting the small present.

“This one’s from me! I hope you like it, Rei!” Makoto smiled.

“Ah, Makoto-senpai, thank you! I’m certain that I will thoroughly enjoy whatever it may be,” Rei began to unwrap the gift with much less vigor than Nagisa did with his, peeling off each piece of tape as if it were made of the thinnest material known to man. It didn’t help that Makoto wasn’t particularly good with limiting his tape usage.

“Gah, come on, Rei-chan!! Don’t leave us with this kind of suspense!” Nagisa blurted, annoyed with the slow pace.

“Alright, alright!” Rei sighed, unwrapping the whole thing in one swift tear. It was another box, this time much neater and… velvet-ey compared to the box containing Nagisa’s gift. Curious, Rei pulled off the lid to reveal a glistening silver brooch formed in the shape of a water droplet; a spheric amethyst crystal protruding from the base. Rei was stunned, to say the least. He almost dropped it. “M-Makoto-senpai… it’s… BEAUTIFUL!” He gasped, bringing a hand to cover his gaping mouth. “Sincerely, thank you!”

“Heh, no problem! I’m glad you like it,” Makoto chuckled, pleased with the latter’s reaction.

 _‘Is it Makoto’s turn now? This is kind of boring.’_ Haru thought silently, poker-faced. He looked down at the box in his hands, oblivious to the conversation occurring in front of him.

“Yes, Makoto-senpai! You can open my gift now.”

Wait.

_What?_

“Okay! Ooh, I’m kind of excited.” Makoto said giddily, inspecting the largest box out of all of the others. Haru doesn’t say a word, thinking back over his plan.

 _‘What… where did…  how-’_ He didn’t have much time to think. Makoto had already started at the wrapping.

_‘...Fuck.’_

“I’m sure you’ll love it, Makoto-senpai! It is very aesthetically pleasing, I think it will look good in your entryway amongst the antique ornaments.”

“Ah, really? I’ve been needing a little something to go there!”

_‘Please, Rei, for the love of God-’_

“Mm-hm! It’s definitely a conversation starter.”

_‘Will you just-’_

“I got it at Walmart, if you don't like it you can change for another one with a different design or size!”

_‘Shut up please just shut up.'_

“Oh, wow, it really sounds like a great gift, Rei!”

“It is, even if I do say so myse-”

The last layer of paper was removed, revealing…

_It._

“Rei? This is… um….” Makoto swallowed. The name ‘Santa’s Little Helper G-Spot Vibe’ was made visible through the paper slipping from his grasp.

Haru almost cried, letting the gift in his hands fall to the floor in shame. In his face a reddening hue formed, and the urge to throw himself out of the nearest window intensified with each passing millisecond.

“Isn’t it a beautiful sand clock?” Rei swelled his chest and pushed his glasses up, a promising glint in his eyes.

The other three boys were speechless, including Haru. Nagisa held in a laugh, tears brimming in his eyes.

“R-R-Rei-chan… that’s… not a c-clock…” The blonde wheezed, biting hard on his lower lip.“It’s… A COCK!” He finished, bursting into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

“W-WHAT-” Rei spat, blushing furiously and leaning in to take a closer look. Well, Nagisa wasn’t joking. Sat inside the box, proudly coated in its red-and-white glossy sheen, was an unmistakably festive rubber dildo.

“Haha… ha… hahaha...” A slightly disconcerting laugh could be heard coming from a pale-looking Haru, who was staring at the floor, wringing his hands clumsily. “Funny story.”

The three looked at him immediately, desperate to know the meaning behind the candy-cane phallus located in Makoto’s unfortunate hands.

“Hahaha… This is uh… This is awkward...” He muttered, barely daring to look up

“Was… This your doing, Haruka-senpai?” Rei asked, puzzled, embarrassment laced on his pink face.

“Unintentionally…” Haru started, sighing to release his guilt. “To be honest I… forgot. About the Secret Santa thing. So I kind of panicked and grabbed the only gift I had. A gift for Makoto. But then I realized… I got Yamazaki… and it’s hardly appropriate…” He looked down again.

Makoto started to blush too, now. All four of them were dumbfounded in disbelief that such a simple game could go so wrong.

Nagisa, who had just somewhat calmed down, sputtered and started laughing again, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Next he was on the floor, holding his stomach and the stuffed penguin, turning absolutely red from the lack of oxygen.

“D-don’t worry, H-H-Haru-chan!” He said between fits of giggles, “We’re a-all going to r-r-remember this and have a good laugh about it in the future!”

One-by-one, starting with Makoto, they each started to join in with Nagisa’s infectious laughter, until Haru couldn’t resist either. The sound reverberated off the walls, filling the room with the ridiculous chuckling.

 _‘It could’ve gone worse,’_ Haru thought to himself, looking up at his wonderfully euphoric boyfriend as they laughed.

 

* * *

 

“So… Switching the tags, huh, Haru?” Makoto looked at him from the corner of his eye, smirking slyly.

They were walking back from the train station, having left Nagisa’s apartment just in time to catch the last train, when Makoto brought up that night’s events.

“It was the only thing I could think of!” Haru tried to defend himself, looking away and physically moving further from Makoto.

“Oh, hey, come on, I was just teasing,” The boy reached out and laced his cold fingers with Haru’s, gently pulling him back closer. “It was really cute. Plus, Nagisa’s right! In a couple of years, we’ll remember this and laugh about it! Think of it as something to go in the photo album.”

“We didn’t take any photos.”

“...The scrapbook, then.” Makoto started laughing again, thinking again about Haru having to go through choosing the gift for him alone. The things that boy did for him.

The apartment came in view and Makoto had to release Haru’s hand in order to fish out his keys and not drop the presents; the flashy box hidden from public view in a plastic bag.

“I’ve got a gift for you too, you know.” Makoto said nonchalantly, secretly grinning behind his scarf. “You can open it when we get back, if you want.” Haru swore he heard the other release a slight chuckle, but he dismissed it anyway.

Upon reaching the building, Makoto unlocked the door and the couple stepped into the mild warmth of their apartment, shuffling out of the heavy winter gear. Makoto told Haru to wait in the living room so he could fetch his gift from its hidden location.

“Okay, here you go… I hope you like it!” Makoto smiled with fake innocence as he handed the neatly-wrapped present over to Haru, who narrowed his eyes at Makoto’s false glare.

He glanced suspiciously at the box and began undoing the ribbon that held the paper together, untying the knot and letting the paper fall by itself. Makoto folded his lips inwards, trying to contain himself.

The thing that awaited him under the 2D red-nosed reindeers and jolly-looking elves was a lot more than what he originally anticipated it to be. The title displayed on the plastic casing of the item was more than enough to hint at its contents:

**_ “Exotic Erotic’s ‘Moby’s Dick’, 15 inch.” _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it??? Was it ok??? i sure hope so!  
> Note: All of the toys and their names are legit, i googled them.  
> Please tell me if I made a mistake somewhere! I re-read it thrice but shit happens.
> 
> Merry Christmas!


End file.
